At breakfast on Wednesday I saw this card.
The words resonated with me powerfully and helped me to authentically enter into a time of meditation in the form of centring prayer.
The time brought up a lot of pain and ‘stuff’.
As referred to yesterday, it was a bit like walking through a dark tunnel, feeling slowly against the cold wet walls and edging slowly forward, each step quite difficult as I knew I would probably find an obstacle … but each step bringing something that I can only describe as ‘lighter’ as I was able to let go of ‘stuff’ again ….
baggage that I have accumulated:
unreasonable expectations from others
even more ridiculous expectations of myself
losing sight of who is important
losing sight of who I really am
feelings of failure
trying to keep control
attempting to keep everything going
as stuff came up, tears flowed, I let go of that ‘stuff’ and carrying on walking
Meditation using centring prayer, for me, usually lasts around 20 minutes.
I was kinda surprised when I opened my eyes to see that an hour and ten minutes had passed. I don’t think I’ve ever been that silent for so long … not even when asleep! I don’t tend to have major God experiences … but this was one!
After this deep experience with what I would call God I sat pretty quietly in my room for another 20 minutes or so before then going for another walk with the camera. As I walked, following my map, I cam across this single poppy which I saw as a massive sign of hope. Interestingly, ‘HOPE’ is the word in metal letters that I have displayed in my living room. It’s an important word for me. It’s one of those words that gets who I wish to be as well as describes how I want to be and also helps me look to the future.
That afternoon I saw Sr Ruth who looked at me and said, ‘Oh wow … something has happened … you look totally different!’ We chatted about the experience and how I felt quite a deep inner sense of calm (a cliche if ever there was one!) which I am still able to hold on to a week later. For me, it was both encouraging and exciting to hear Sr Ruth’s immediate comments … and incredibly helpful to hear her honest feedback to me.
It has been a while since I have been properly still.
Being still allows us to listen to what is going on.
Being still allows us to hear, to realign, to remember what is important.
I aim to make ‘being still’ part of my daily rhythm of life.
There is more …. particularly on the hope thing … maybe tomorrow!