Disturb our control (gpcu ongoing)

man lookingA little while ago we had our PCC Awayday and welcomed Laurence Gamlen as our facilitator.

We looked at the challenges of each part of the parish and presented in much a similar way the we did at Deanery Synod last week. At the away day, however, I got people to dance to an ever changing tune, rather than eat different flavoured skittles, to illustrate that our community keeps changing.

Towards the end of the day, Laurence reflected and questioned whether we needed God to ‘disturb our control’.

I have reflected on that for a while … asking that ever necessary question of
‘Am I allowing God to be God here and lead me or am I trying to force things of my own ideas’.
‘Am I giving God enough space to influence my thinking … and am I listening to God or merely playing lip service?’
‘Am I trying to control this or am I letting this develop freely and organically?’
I think they are healthy questions for all in any form of ministry  to be asking and reflecting on regularly.
Very regularly.

If I am trying to control I certainly want God to come and disturb that.
While reflecting I have re-discovered this prayer attributed to Francis Drake …. I’ve blogged about it before, but it seems appropriate to remind myself again ….

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

Lord ….
prevent me from sailing too close to the shore ….
to push into your future with strength,
courage,
love
and hope.
Amen!

gpcu pt 6: prayer & pastry

prayer and pastryOne of the first things I started after arriving at HTGP was Prayer and Pastry on a Friday morning. I think it is really important that a community has opportunities to come together to pray.

Prayer & Pastry is an opportunity for anyone that wants to to start their day in prayer and grab a sort of breakfast before launching themselves in to the day ahead.

Sometimes we use standard morning prayer from from Common Worship, while other times we replace some of the service of morning prayer with an examen type meditation.

Being able to check in with each other before getting on with the day is always good … particularly while consuming great (not just good … but GREAT Monmouth or Has Bean coffee and a pastry of some description).

So … Friday mornings … 8am …. maybe see you sometime?

 

a collect for peace

sometimes … all we can do is pray …

C7iJxb3WkAAstW1

walking for change

12642677_947115258675954_1567955323478933877_nToday I walked around the Peninsula with Alastair, who is on placement with the East Greenwich Team Ministry prior to him training for ordination. We chatted and prayed as we walked around the new buildings.

As we embark on something new here as the church on the Peninsula, prayer walking is, to me, a necessary pre-requisite. This is how I started things in Rochester and then again in Gillingham. I don’t know why … sometimes it makes no sense … because, after all, God knows everything and knows what I will pray about …. but for some reason, i know that without prayer things do not seem to happen. With prayer things do seem to happen! Simples!

For me, today was a big encouragement. I often walk around the Peninsula as the ‘parish priest’ but walking around with a like minded person today seemed more intentional and focussed.

As I walk, I guess I am looking for people who are interested in joining me on this weird journey of trying to birth and grow a new way of being church here on the Peninsula. I am convinced there are people here who have a faith and are interested in being part of developing something new.

Please pray I may find some of those people soon.

developing prayer

out_edited-1I had an amazing day yesterday at the ‘Developing a Contemplative Prayer Life’ day, facilitated amazingly by Julie Dunstan from the London Centre for Spirituality.

Essentially, this was a day of prayer … real engaging prayer! Often I have been to ‘prayer’ days when there has been a lot of talk about prayer, a lot of sharing of the struggles of prayer, a lot of looking at the bible to see how people of the past prayed, a lot of sharing of practices that we find helpful ….. but those days and events have never particularly had a lot of prayer in them.

This day was different.
We had loads of space to pray and practice …. and I guess this was my first real experience of ‘practicing’ prayer in a space with others and then having the opportunity afterwards to chat about how it felt, and what came up and so on. I had this thought, really, of how bizarre it is that in church we practice/rehearse music, we practice/rehearse drama and we will set up tables and chairs in preparation for some event … but we don’t really give people an opportunity to practice different types of prayer. We seem to say prayer is important and tyhen expect everyone to know how to do it!

Yesterday I spent a large part of the day practising how to pray, and then talking with people about it afterwards.

Julie took us through five different types of contemplative prayer, some of which I have used in the past, and some that were totally new to me.

I really loved the format of the day. Julie started each session with a poem and then a brief outline of the type of prayer. She would then lead us through that prayer for 20/25 minutes. We were then given a further 10 mins to reflect alone on that type of prayer and how we found it and what, if anything, that God brought up. We then shared with someone else what we were thinking. This was an amazingly relaxed yet deep way of progressing through the day.

We looked at prayer using our imagination with scripture, asking ourselves the question ‘where would I put myself in this story?’ Carl Jung said ‘the imagination is the bridge between the head and the heart’. I particularly resonated with this type of prayer. Whether that is due to myself finding myself leaning to the more creative sides of things (right brained thinker and all that) i don’t know, but straight away I was aware of an amazingly powerful connection with God.

We then prayed in a Lectio Divina style … chewing and turning over a particular phrase of word from Isaiah 55. This, again, was a rich fruitful experience.

After the lunch break Julie led us through a body prayer. Essentially this is what is says on the tin … we used our bodies to say the Lords Prayer. This was fun … although I admit to moving to the back of the church so no one could see me, ….. and although it was fun I did kind of agree with a friend who, in the feedback, expressed that he ‘felt a bit of a dick head!’ Although I did, I found some of the postures quite powerful in their allusions to vulnerability and, on a personal note, that is always a useful place to find myself in front of God.

For me, the hardest part of the prayer day was Christian meditation … but i think that is because it cam straight after lunch. I had a bit of a struggle to stay awake …. despite what people may say it’s not an age thing … just I had a full belly and was asked to make myself comfortable and sit silently repeating my meditation word. The word I use at home when I meditate is ‘maranatha’ … not because it is a particularly spiritual word, but more that it is a word that does not bring up any distracting images for me.

We finished the day using the Examen, which is a practice I use regularly. It’s a method of prayer that I love ending my day with as it helps me to look back over the day and identify where God was at work.

So … a great day … thanks Ian for organising this.

 

My Erised

Mirror24 men on retreat was a great time. I came away knowing I am very privileged and cared for by this great group of friends.

It was good to catch up with my (old) friends and have time together to reflect and time alone to pray. The convent in Nympsfield is one of those places where it is pretty impossible to be distracted. There is no wifi signal. There is no mobile phone signal. Well .. that’s not strictly true I did manage to get a signal by walking to the top of the hill, climbing up a tree and stretching my phone up in the air as far as I can. That gave me one bar of reception now and again.

Due to its relative remoteness I find silence is very easy to achieve here … and so I spent a lot of time in silence before God. I used the Jesus Prayer a lot; so as well as reading I spent a lot of time in silence before my Creator God. In that silence God seemed to transform some fears into hopes and some longings into dreams. Most of all I seemed to receive two things:
God seemed to remind me of promises and I had this great sense of God simply saying ‘trust me’.
God also reminded me that he called me as me and so a little bit of remembering who I am started to happen. It was nothing like a mirror but the best way of describing this feeling was like standing in front of God who was a mirror. maybe a better illustration would be the Mirror of Erised from Harry Potter. It seemed as well as reminding me who I am, that God was reminding me what I longed for most. Maybe I will share that at another time when I am happy to make myself a little more vulnerable and ‘feel’ the grace of my readers!

Trust seems so simple to do in theory .. and yet I find it so difficult when the world and stuff I have ‘learned’ (and maybe need to unlearn) crashes back in on my life.
But i guess trust is hard, gritty and involve pain … I don’t know … but to trust connects with my vulnerability writings earlier in the year. The other side of the trust coin is vulnerability, as we inevitably have to open up ourselves to be let down.

Anyway … a great few days where I was blessed by friendship and challenged by God…. thank you.

The mad dog walker!

20140131-100240.jpgI have come to realise that dog walking is seriously bad for your health! Not only do you have to get up early in the morning and go out late at night in all weathers and bump into all types of people and all types of dog, not only do you risk life and limb sliding up, or down, muddy banks as the dog smells rabbit, not only do you risk contracting various diseases by picking up dog crap in very thin little plastic bags which don’t always protect your hands (!) …. but it seems also that it opens you to the risk of seemingly talking aloud to yourself and giving the impression to others that you have an imaginary friend!

I realised this last night when another dog walker gave me an incredibly odd look as it dawned on me that the conversation I was having with God (ie prayer) that I thought was in my head was, quite obviously, being said aloud! At 1130pm, when decent people are inside their warm homes either asleep or drinking good whisky, and it is quiet and calm …. one lone voice can travel quite a long way!

I mean … if you saw a giant 6’2 bloke in black raincoat and wellies with a nearly as tall greyhound charging towards you while having a conversation with a seemingly invisible friend …. what would you do! An old WWJD bracelet I saw lying around made me think that Jesus’ response if coming across such a scene with his disciples may well have been to command someone or something to come out!!!

So … now I have a reputation of talking to myself while I walk the dog …. great!

But that’s not the real danger. The real danger is that this prayer stuff, while walking, while I seemingly lose myself in both walk and nature and prayer is flipping real stuff! I don’t mean my prayers are better then anyone else’s …. but what I am noticing is that for the first time in a little while my prayers are nakedly honest. With that naked honesty comes a certain vulnerability and revealing of brokenness which means that some stuff can be dealt with. The danger with honesty is that you need to step out from hiding, and stepping into the open in that way can be a dangerous thing to do.

So is this hard? Yes
Does it hurt? Yes
Is it backbreaking, crappy hard slog stuff! Yes
Does it help! Yes

I am relearning that it’s very easy to hide. I have remembered that journeys start or take a new direction only after someone steps out, but that stepping out is the quite often the mad and dangerous thing to do. It’s a high risk thing too as when you step out others don’t necessarily join you. So, it’s pretty mad on all fronts really.

Well …. I have never made any claim that I was sane have I?
Off to step out a little more … with and without the dog!