Recently I have made a bit of a positive mind change.
This can often occur when I have spent a lot of time in contemplation.
I guess this mind change can best be described more as wholeheartedly accepting my calling (again!). An acceptance that means inevitably I will deliberately make myself vulnerable as I adopt a more focussed approach. A focussed approach that refuses to sit down, be quiet or take second best. An approach that means I am ready again to fight passionately for what I believe in, and am called to. I guess Frank Turner word’s from Photosynthesis:
And I won’t sit down
And I won’t shut up
And most of all
I will not grow up
The ‘not grow up’ line of that song always makes me smile. When I left YFC after around 15 years of fun, as was normal, a bunch of people gathered around me to pray for me. One of the more mature people felt he had a message from God from me …. the exact words I still remember …. ‘I think God is saying I am placing you as you … and you are not to lose that childlike cheeky chappie outlook ….. DO NOT GROW UP!’ (That’s my excuse for a lot of behaviour and I’m sticking to it!!)
That growing up stuff of taking yourself too seriously, thinking of lots of reasons why things have to be kept the same, thinking of even more reasons why we can’t change how we do something, worrying about bills to pay, promotion prospects (as if!), or what people might well think of me …. rather than the childlike outlook of seeing a simple solution, accepting others at ace value, trusting others (unless you have a good reason not to!) and (which I think is a gift of mine) seeing the lighter side of things and being able, and willing, to bring humour to a situation along with a certain uncomfortable focus and determination …. it is that childlikeness that I think I need to keep and nurture ….
I guess I am outlining an attitude of no compromise as I seek to develop stuff here that we know God has called us to set up.
So why the change?
Wasn’t I always sold out on this?
Well … hmmm … yes … and no!
I guess this is not a change, as such really, as this is how I have normally worked. This is more of a recommitment. To get things done, often you need an uncompromising outlook and attitude.
To use labels, though, as a pioneer it is easy to feel alone and I happen to love working in teams. I think that’s biblical and i genuinely am convinced of the synergy effect of team working. Until quite recently I have felt alone in my vision, particularly for the High Street for some time, . But this has not been the case in reality. I started to remember this a few weeks ago when a good friend sent me this scene from Harry Potter:
The trouble with allowing yourself to feel alone is that it can cripple your ability to think, to create, to speak out … to do anything really.
For a little while I have felt crippled, hindered, held back and prevented from doing my thing with God. But, as my friend reminded me I am not alone in this. It only feels like it. It is like I have allowed myself to be fooled by stuff around me!
Today has taken me by surprise as I was reminded in quite an amazing and humbling way, in an unexpected forum of the local ministers forum, that I have the support of many people. Not only do I have support and prayer of the local leaders, colleagues, but I have people willing and wanting to get involved. It’s easy to forget that, but exciting to be reminded.
So …. today is a new day … and tomorrow too … i know the hassles and struggles will not disappear ….. but it seems today I am ready for them again …. maybe I’m simply saying …. I’m back!’ Or…. if I kept a diary, maybe I’d call this ‘the day I remembered I’m not supposed to grow up!’