I traveled to the Sisters of St. Andrew in Edenbridge this afternoon to spend an hour with Sister Diane, my spiritual director. My time with Sister Diane is always good, she listens, she challenges and, most importantly for me, she is quite direct and practical in asking me deep and demanding questions about where I happen to be spiritually.
The last few weeks have not been great, although I can smile about things now. Both Sarah and my futures have been thrown pretty much up in the air and it has been difficult (and still is!) to discern really what God is saying about things. One interpretation of our circumstances could be ‘hang in there and believe the promise in the way Abraham chose to believe the promise in Genesis, despite everything around him screaming ‘no!’ Equally, the interpretation could be it is ‘time to move on, to a new area, and start something new.’ We are open to both although swing more towards the former at the moment – as it seems just too easy to pack up and go and start something new (as in we know how to start new things!) whereas the real challenge would be to stay and continue moving things into the next, unknown, stage. This would take us, and others, to places we have never been before!
As we chatted Sister Diane reminded me that the Igantion way in discerning God was to do everything you could do and then wait, trust and hope in God. I think that is where I am. I have consulted others, listened with people, put togther a proposal and done everything I can possibly do. As we thought together I realised there is nothing else left … apart from waiting, trusting and hoping in God.
I am fully aware that as I wait, trust and hope that God may still be saying move on, and we are open to that. As Sister Diane said, its a time where all I can do is cling to God. So … I cling!
I’m smiling! The situation I find myself in is tough, uncomfortable and I’d rather not be in it – but it is not a bad feeling or a bad place and so I don’t want, or ask for, sympathy or kind words. That word cling can sound negative, but I don’t feel that way. Muscles are aching as clinging can be quite strenuous and painful but … this is positive place and I feel at ease. If I need anything at the moment, I guess it’s other to simply say “I am standing with you … hold on!!!’
It’s probably taken me about 3 weeks to get from the place of sheer panic to this place of peace (which is possibly why the blog has been very quiet in that period). So, please take this as a kind of update on where we are … join us in prayer and waiting if that’s your thing.
So … as I cling …. I wait ……..