An interesting lent time of more personal reflection and less blogging has meant that getting back into blogging has taken me a while. No doubt, like all habits it will not take me long before I start to think again how I had trouble writing and whether I should spend more time reflecting. For me, reflection involved thinking aloud. So this is my thinking aloud space.
today has been an interesting day. I have not been to Wetherpoons and other places for 9 days. The thought of going today totally and thoroughly terrified me. I woke this morning and was very quiet. I did not really want to engage with people before Matins and I knew why. I was totally riddles with fear and I can think of no logical reason why I should be scared of returning to a place where I am quite regularly welcomed in a variety of ways.
The lectionary Bible readings for this morning cut right to the core of my fear and how I was thinking today. The first reading was from the first chapter of Joshua and I heard these words from God to Joshua: ‘I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.’ I must admit that made me smile a bit sarcastically inside with a ‘yeh I know; that’s ok for you to say but how do I go boldly when I feel like this?!’
God answered in the second reading from Ephesians 6: ‘Therefore take up the whole armour of God, so that you may be able to withstand on that evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand therefore, and fasten the belt of truth around your waist, and put on the breastplate of righteousness. As shoes for your feet put on whatever will make you ready to proclaim the gospel of peace. With all of these, take the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times in every prayer and supplication.’
That may sound obvious to most people, and it does to me – but doing this all the time and having to constantly walk into places where I have no real right or purpose to be can be flipping scarey.
After Matins today Wendy was kind enough to meet me and we prayer walked together. later in the day I had a very welcome call from darren and we met up for a drink and lunch in ‘Spoons. On this particular day this helped me put on, and keep on, the armour. Keeping the armour on enabled me ‘to be courageous knowing God was with me’!
I also just had a funny thought – I guess in some way the guy I saw dressed as St George in his shiny armour could well have been another clue from God – well I missed that till now!
Over these next few weeks – if you have a mo, please hold me in your prayers as I seek to link again, and again and again with people who need to see something of the love and acceptance of their God.