attentive love

RIchard Rohr continues his Maternal Face of God series today with these words: Sara Ruddick, in her book Maternal Thinking: Toward a Politics of Peace, speaks of the attentive love of a mother. In summary, Ruddick says mothers are characterized by attentive love. They have to keep watching this new life; they have to keep listening and adjusting to the needs of the child. It is necessary to recognize a new agenda with the growth of the child. If the mother cannot transform herself into attentive love, she quite simply cannot be a mother. She has to learn early on that life is about change, not about “standing your ground,” which is not going to help a child. All growth is about changing and adjusting to what is needed at this moment, with these tears, and by this child. The mother cannot run to abstract truths. Philosophy and theology courses at that point would probably be boring to her. I cannot help but think that the present persecution of the Religious Sisters by the Vatican reflects this difference. The Sisters, by and large, went toward human need and pain with “attentive love.” The clergy, I being one of them, can easily stay in abstract theories and theologies and never get to love at all. The case of the Religious Sisters  came up in discussion recently and I was quite perturbed by the seemingly simplistic and insensitive attitude that all the Vatican were doing was ‘asking the sisters to follow Catholic teaching’. This implies the Sisters do not wish to follow teaching and their total dismissal, rather than consideration, is shocking. Surely as we learn more of God, teaching changes. We used to teach that the world was flat … that we learnt more and we change our teaching! How can we ensure that we are carriers of that attentive love while not falling into what can often be the sad judgementalism of disconnected theories and theologies?

the maternal face of God

During Lent I committed to adding Richard Rohr’s daily meditations to the start of my day. I have found them, on occasions,  to be so encouraging and challenging  that I have decided not to unsubscribe as was my intention.

This week’s series has ben entitled the Maternal face of God. This has been an interesting series and starts by stating that most of us actually experience unconditional love from our mothers rather than our fathers and so goes on to become the basis for many peoples eventual image of God. The images this week have challenged the reader to acknowledge that we all know and accept that God is beyond gender – and yet maternal language can raise an eye or two.

Personally I can relate to this. Recently I led prayers at Evensong during the sweeps festival and wrote a prayer that started Mother God …. but when I came to reading it in the cathedral evensong setting I dropped the maternal reference out of a concern for upsetting people during a major festival in the town and potentially giving the new dean an inbox of complaints. As I reflect I am concerned by my reluctance and wonder why the language concerns me so!

Rohr writes: ‘Whoever God “is,” is profoundly and essentially what it means to be male and female in perfect balance. We have to find and to trust the feminine face of God and the masculine face of God. Both are true and both are necessary for a full relationship with God. Up to now, we have strongly relied upon the presented masculine images while, in fact, our inner life was more drawn to our mother’s energy. That is much of our religious problem today.’

For some, catholics in particular, I wonder if this necessary maternal face of God has been represented by the person of Mary. It seems it is easier for some Christians to venerate another human being in the shape of Mary rather than it is to acknowledge the maternal within God. I believe in some parts of catholicism that venration of Mary has actually become worship resulting in the persons love for Mary being greater than the love for Jesus.

This may all be new and uncomfortable territory for many … but I am seeing that to understand more of the wonder and mystery of God, we need to pay more attention to the maternal symbolism of God as we take on the truth that God is indeed beyond gender.

a sign of promise?

The time away in Cornwall was great … the scenery stunning and the company simply beautiful. I find there are few places I can truly relax and be myself, but as we drove south I could feel stress floating away from me the closer we got to the Cornish coastline and our friends.

There was lots of space in Cornwall to rest and relax and think and pray …. my photo shows the amazing scene we woke up to one morning. I don’t think I have ever seen a complete rainbow before – it was a special and stunning start to the day with a timely reminder for me personally that God keeps promises.

It was a beautiful sight, it was an encouraging sight …. a sight that reminds us, as people, that all is not lost … that God is still clearly visible in the beauty that is at the heart of his creation.

clinging to God

I traveled to the Sisters of St. Andrew in Edenbridge this afternoon to spend an hour with Sister Diane, my spiritual director. My time with Sister Diane is always good, she listens, she challenges and, most importantly for me, she is quite direct and practical in asking me deep and demanding questions about where I happen to be spiritually.

The last few weeks have not been great, although I can smile about things now. Both Sarah and my futures have been thrown pretty much up in the air and it has been difficult (and still is!) to discern really what God is saying about things. One interpretation of our circumstances could be ‘hang in there and believe the promise in the way Abraham chose to believe the promise in Genesis, despite everything around him screaming ‘no!’ Equally, the interpretation could be it is ‘time to move on, to a new area, and start something new.’ We are open to both although swing more towards the former at the moment – as it seems just too easy to pack up and go and start something new (as in we know how to start new things!) whereas the real challenge would be to stay and continue moving things into the next, unknown, stage. This would take us, and others, to places we have never been before!

As we chatted Sister Diane reminded me that the Igantion way in discerning God was to do everything you could do and then wait, trust and hope in God. I think that is where I am. I have consulted others, listened with people, put togther a proposal and done everything I can possibly do. As we thought together I realised there is nothing else left … apart from waiting, trusting and hoping in God.

I am fully aware that as I wait, trust and hope that God may still be saying move on, and we are open to that. As Sister Diane said, its a time where all I can do is cling to God. So … I cling!

I’m smiling! The situation I find myself in is tough, uncomfortable and I’d rather not be in it – but it is not a bad feeling or a bad place and so I don’t want, or ask for, sympathy or kind words. That word cling can sound negative, but I don’t feel that way. Muscles are aching as clinging can be quite strenuous and painful but … this is positive place and I feel at ease. If I need anything at the moment, I guess it’s other to simply say “I am standing with you … hold on!!!’

It’s probably taken me about 3 weeks to get from the place of sheer panic to this place of peace (which is possibly why the blog has been very quiet in that period). So, please take this as a kind of update on where we are … join us in prayer and waiting if that’s your thing.

So … as I cling …. I wait ……..

consumed by truth

Some people have the gift of praying amazing prayers with poetic language that sometimes transports you to heaven! Neil Thompson, our precentor, is one of those people. Neil led the daily office this morning and during the prayers he said something that I have been mulling over for the last hour and a half or so … and which I will take into my day today.

I cannot now remember the exact words but the essence was something like:

‘Lord, let us not be overly focussed on finding truth, but let our lives be consumed by truth’

A simple line, in a simple prayer, but with great volume and amplitude that seems to penetrate the soul.

As I consider this, lots of questions flood into the mind:
‘what is truth?’
‘surely truth is in Christ?’
‘but what about this …?’
‘…or that?’

I have written, no doubt many times, that people’s infatuation with defining, and seemingly great desire to protect, the truth are at the root of a lot of the disunity problems and arguments within the church, maybe even within the world. Certainly, the outspoken supporters of some of the arguments boomeranging around the church at this time do not, on occasions, seem to reflect the love of God which surely will be obvious wherever truth exists?

In my mind, and I acknowledge I have a good chance of being completely wrong, wherever truth exists there must also be love. If, as Christians, we believe God is truth … well God is love too … so both must go together.

What is truth?
I don’t know?
I’m not sure it is even definable or understandable!
But … whatever truth is …. I want my life to be consumed by it!

creating space

It has been an interesting weekend with a mixture of stuff going on to reflect on.

There was the excitement of having the house to myself while the rest of the family are away. The silence of a house which needs a family to make it home. The fun of setting up camp with those staying at Detling. The pleasure of eating Chinese food with friends. The joy of seeing Gills win the opening game of the season. The frustration with people angry over a temporary change in the BCP eucharist service. The helplessness while watching images of riots in London on the TV screen. The disappointment of upsetting people. The emotion of watching Lovely Bones.

It seems I packed a lot of emotion into this weekend!

Being home alone is a pretty unique experience for me and is probably only the second time this has happened. I hope to use the time to reflect, to read and reflect some more, as well as to really take time to think seriously about how things are going, what I should be doing in the future and where things like the gathering seem to be leading. 

I want to hold all of that though in the sentiment and attitude of the Thomas Morton prayer I drew attention to last week. So I am kind of seeking direction while being fairly comfortable with the mystery in which God seems to often chose to leave us. I am conscious, however, that over the last few months time alone and quiet with God has all but disappeared due to changing circumstances … and so a concerted effort to re-develop a good habit is needed. I intend to try and spend some time sitting and thinking, or ‘hanging out’ with God. I think I am going to have to work at creating this space to ‘ponder’.

One reflection after 3 years of doing what I do is the mild frustration I experience with people that still don’t seem to get it. There is always a pressure, some feel, to do, to create, to act, to be proactive, to get ‘out there’ … but the waiting rather than racing ahead, the watching rather than doing, the joining in rather than creating, the listening rather than speaking and the serving are the places where I see sparks of the divine. I fail to be able to express the joy I experience when I notice those Godly moments; but I can say I hunger to see them more and more. 

So over the next few days I expect to miss the family a little bit, I expect to see some friends, and I expect to spend time in that contemplative way, not necessarily looking for answers but creating that space so that I can have a greater chance of being led by God in what I do – all the while realising there are no guarantees here!

God’s law

A heard a kind of joke the other day, which isn’t really a joke, but I liked it and used it to start my sermon last week. I don’t usually do the joke thing at the start of the sermon (no need when most of your sermon is a joke anyway!) but last Sunday I did.

It went something like this:

It involves a group of rabbis. They like to challenge each other. They have various challenges suitable for rabbis. In particular they like to challenge rabbi Gabriel. Gabriel knows too much! Gabriel always has something to say. Gabriel is the one everyone wants to out do. So they call Gabriel over …. ‘our challenge to you is to stand on one leg and recite the whole of God’s law. Gabriel ponders …. and they think they have him …. ‘at last something he will fail at they think’! ….
‘too hard a challenge?’ they ask?
‘Ok’, says Gabriel, and moves into the centre of the circle. He stands on one leg and starts,
‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your mind and with all your soul.
Love your neighbour and yourself.’
He stops hopping, places both feet on the ground, smiles and says ‘the rest is narrative!

There are lots of arguments flying around ‘church’ at the moment ….. and some people involved in those arguments seem to have lost sight of the core of ‘the law’.

The core is love, and if the core is love we are called to love, and if we love then how can we exclude?

God’s law is love.

Discuss …..

open the fist

This morning I spoke about lent being an opportunity to give up our old images of God and allow God to show us more of the real him. I guess I started to think about this last year during Lent while reading Maggi Dawn’s Giving It Up and was challenged about this again after recently reading these words of Bishop Tom Wright: ‘We need God to show us where our images of God have become too harsh, too weak, too small, too fragile, too stern.’

As I reflect over a number of conversations I have had with quite a few people over the last couple of years it strikes me that there are a lot of people with an incredibly harsh view of God. They have an image that God hates them because of their lifestyle, or because they are not good enough. There are others I have chatted with who try to box God and protect him, worried about discussing their faith too much in case all their beliefs come crumbling down – personally I see no point in worshipping a God who you feel you need to protect!

Imagine holding something there that you wish to protect, something precious, something that you do not wish to be harmed. Look at your fist. What you have in there is safe and secure. No one can harm it or steal it. No one can take it from you. It is safe and you know that.

But …. look at your fist again and ask yourself a question – how can I receive anything new? How can God add to my understanding? How can God show me more of who he is?

A fist protects and holds, but it can’t receive.

You need an open hand to receive

Why not open your fist … now you can receive – but the risk in opening your hand is that you can lose what you have tightly held grasped safely in there for a while, maybe even years.

I wonder if Lent is a time to open our hands. 

To give up our false images of God.

I think it’s a tough task, but this Lent I am making time to allow God to show me what false images or God I have and then I’m going to try to let them go

… from dust you came …

Today has been Ash Wednesday.

I have just returned from the cathedral with an ash cross on my forehead. It was placed there with the following words:

‘remember that you are but dust, from dust you came and from dust you will return. Turn from sin and be faithful to Christ.’

That may seem quite morbid, and there are definitely resonances with a funeral service there; but I think this simple acts serves a good purpose at the start of lent as it reminds me of my mortality.

Life in our western, technological, 21st century, materialistic world where life can be prolonged, where any food can be eaten out of season, and where we can purchase anything from ebay presents us with an illusion – the illusion that we are in control. Th illusion, I guess, that our little worlds do revolve around us.

This evening  a small ash cross, two simple lines,  serves as a reminder that it is actually all about God.

This lent I will be endeavouring to spend more time in prayer and contemplation as I seek to lose the illusion that it’s about me, and regain a truer image of God.

Sing your own song!

One of the real privileges of my role is that I get to mix traditional with pioneering and so experience many different aspects of life and worship that I may not otherwise experience. A cathedral, of all places, is a great place to experience the best of what we would call traditional, although I could well argue that some of the what our musicians do is pretty pioneering and innovative so that it cause you to pause and be struck afresh by some aspect of God.

Earlier this week I attended the cathedral carol service. Our choirs always produce a beautifully amazing sound but during thee carol service I experienced something new and different. At one point during the service the choir were standing very close to me which enabled me to hear each individual voice as well as the ‘one sound’. Each voice was unique, beautiful and noticeably different from each other. Together they were fantastic, but on this evening it was the individual voices that got me thinking and through which God challenged me.

As I walked home that evening from the station (skating / flying part of the way but that’s a story for another time) I reflected on this and thought each of us has our own distinct voice. The bible talks of the sheep following the shepherd because they know his voice. Our voice is probably as distinct and unique to us as our fingerprints are.

Our task, in our lives, is to find our own voice, to sing our own song .. to make our own individual contribution. Too foten we are guilty of trying to copy others, or wish to be like others. Sometimes we spend so much time envying others that we miss out totally on the beauty that we personally have.

What we have is distinct and unique to us … and no matter what we may think of it, God can take and join with it to make something we think ordinary simply stunning!

We simply need to find our voice and sing our song …. and see what happens.